Settling in at work, at n395.
at work, while ppl are leaving one after another, I've found the strength to keep moving on (despite the terrible monday blues). And I think it's really because I know where I wanna be at the end of all these. I thank God for the conviction he has given me, the reminders through various people and experiences that my life is according to His plan. I may have been making blunders here n there, and have yet to shine in the marketplace, but I think what is really important at the end of all this is, what can I learn and take away with me to apply to where I wanna be a few years down the road? was thinking about this esp when this senior shiwei left last wed. i only got to know her for less than a week, but she made an impact. maybe it's because she is going to do exactly what i want to do, and because she sees that there are more important things in life than money and status. wish i could have gotten to know her better, but i'm happy for her too (:
3 dec. i had fun at the cip proj at Banda St with my coaching group mates. there was this elderly cantonese-speaking lady who lived alone in one of the flats. her house was very cramped with all the items that she brought back and couldnt sell. old as she was, she was strong and full of pride, bringing all the heavy items into the house on her own, refusing stephen's help. we were terribly weak in cantonese, so while she went on and on all we could do was nod and smile. despite that, i could tell that she really really did enjoy our presence. it wasnt so much what we said that was important, rather it was the heart, the willingness to spend time with her, listen to her, smile at her - that's enough to make her happy. i thought she's really an amazing and earnest woman, not someone filled with bitterness despite living all by herself at an old age. what really surprised me, was when she suddenly asked me whether i am a christian. like really out of nowhere. she's definitely not a believer - she has an alter inside the house. i dun understand how she knew, but i guess, i just wanna thank God for using me to let her feel Your love.
and i started wondering about ministry...
5 dec. feeling the pressure and filled with guilt for not doing what i think i should be doing, disliking the segregation and gossiping and yet not having the courage to do anything about it, and feeling so torn everytime we meet - all these left me feeling so upset and discouraged that i dreamt of myself scolding, blaming and ranting away, and woke up in the morning with a tear-stricken face.
that day i dint even want to go for cg, nor to meet l, which was why i was kinda glad that xn was willing to come with me in the end. but it was good nonetheless.
during cg, gloria shared about Unity. it was just so so apt, i wished everyone was there to hear the word too. then we split up to speak a word into one another's lives. gloria made me cry. making difficult and possibly not well-receiveed decisions, taking courage to do what i am called to do, ministry...i just wept. i wasnt and still aint very definite what she was referring to, but i did feel more convicted and at peace.
went to catch Rapunzel after cg, a childhood story which i loved. it is slightly different from the original one that i knew, but absolutely sweet and funny i really loved it.
and then, thank you psst for hearing me out. and to hear weix out also. and for all the time and effort, coming down and all. you are important to me too - though i never said it i was always secretly touched by how sweet you can be at times. and i really feel honoured to have ya in my life.
10 dec.pwc xmas bash@st james ph. i thought the dance floor was kinda boring, which isnt a good sign coz a small part of me wanted to experience a more "haps" club. so weilin keep off clubbing, for the time being at least.
been having monday blues week after week, because every friday i bring work home, come sat i wake up late to catch up on lost sleep, den sunday night i end up staying up trying to complete the work but often to no avail.and so i awake on fateful mondays thinking about the uncompleted work and the long week ahead, feeling unsatisfied and upset with myself. i think i should really compile a list of "secret formulae to chasing away monday blues"!
and i think i kinda know why i got all quiet and aloof tonight. because it seems like the people i wished were here were not; while some others were starting to irritate me.and with xmas coming, end of year coming, i dunno why i dun feel as excited as i used to be. and i kept on worrying about what's going to happen at work next year. felt so sorry to lou and ryl, it's probably the first time you guys saw me in this state. i really hope they did enjoy the shopping though.
o God teach me patience, independence, teach me to be secure in Your love.
